Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Hole in the wall

There is a hole in the wall of my bathroom under the sink. The pipes are exposed and the drywall cut away. This is the remnants of the effects of my hubris when applied to water management. The sink drained slow and I had been working with plumbers all summer so naturally I thought it was within my capacity to fix it. I thought I knew what I was doing and I blew it. I broke the pipe and proceeded to dismantle the entire sink. Today it is a scar on my flesh. I used to hate looking at it. It made me sick. If I do happen to see it, it usually screams "fill me! Mend this error! You are a failure! Make this right!" Tonight something changed.

I was listening to a familiar song and I looked and saw the hole. Suddenly,it spoke a different word. "You are human. You have needs. You are dependent. And this is precisely what you should be--don't forget it! Oh and trying to mend me yourself will only make the hole worse than it is."

For whatever reason my attitude changed. I was struck by truth.

I want to like this hole. I want to laugh about it in celebration. I want to look down and remind myself that I incline to think I have it all down. I need to be reminded of that more often than not.

What is your hole in the wall? We all have them. What scar do you carry?

I hope mine reminds me of my imperfections and what happens when I forget that I am not metal but flesh. I hope I love that hole. I do not want to fill it. I want to look at it every morning when I rise and before every sleep filled night. Because it also reminds me of the ones who love me. They love me and my ability to make holes. They love me even when faced with the truth that I will always make holes. And I am reminded to love them. To love the hole in the wall they make as I learn to love mine.

1 comment:

  1. Well perhaps you can find some one to explain to you what you did wrong. Eggs and omelets, my friend...