Monday, March 22, 2010

Questions for you

Hey there reader! Please take one minute of your precious time to assist me in my Undergraduate Colloquium Presentation!

Follow the link below!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Something Light....

Thank you for giving me feedback! I so enjoy hearing from my readers! It makes me feel like what I write matters or that people perhaps care. Those are good things. Even if you didn’t I’d still probably write because I believe is serves a purpose for my own health and enjoyment as well. Everybody wins.

At any rate I’m going to try and switch it up. According to the data before us, most of you don’t want to read my poetry. I am not offended. I understand most people find poetry a bore, or they had a bad experience with it or they see it generally as a silly useless thing. Furthermore, I also see that on the whole you, the reader, want more random, light hearted, humorous material. This I can do. And please understand that this does not mean I’ll stop writing about serious things, or things that I care about or controversial topics. I say this because I think there is a ton of hilarious potential in all those things. You just have to look hard.

As promised and for your pleasure please enjoy a more lighthearted memoir on recent thoughts and events.

Apparently I am funny. I don’t know if I like that. I ate some fish that tasted funny once. I projectile vomited a few hours later. Look I just don’t want people throwing up over the ridiculous crap I have to say. I just….care. Now, whether I am funny looking or have a certain way with words I don’t know, I’ll leave that for you, but I do think the world needs more humor for sure. There is just too much pain, tragedy, war, torture, hang nails, divorce, crying, Ryan Seacrest, dogs with “snuggies” and too many people who take themselves uber serious. Lame.

Well, I don’t know how to start this one…um why did the chicken cross the road….? Fail. Well speaking of “failing” and roads…..This winter I have been walking to school everyday still even though Missouri has become a magnet for snow and icy despair. It really sucks I’m not going to sugar coat it. The other day I slipped on ice face first….good thing my knees and hands broke my fall on the fluffy concrete. Oh, sure everybody falls. Its just extra humbling when other people see you. So the first thing I do after muttering an expletive was check to see if I performed the little stunt for an audience or if I was alone. Alas, I made somebody’s day as the twenty two year old kid who hasn’t mastered the art of walking.

I didn’t hide behind my shame. I waved at the driver and made a goofy face as if to say, “I’m a moron! Have a laugh at my expense!” About two seconds later I just had to let out a bolt of nervous laughter. It was a nice moment to the start of a very blustery very cold day.

So apparently we don’t even know thing one about winter in Missouri. I recently learned that in places up north people can freeze bubbles. Holy frick I never thought about that! A frozen bubble! Also, to test the temperature of the air people throw cups of water into the sky and if it freezes on the way down it supposedly means it’s colder than if the water came back down a liquid. Genius. I’m glad we have such precise instrumentation.

However, since it is colder my warm drink consumption has like quadrupled. I think I can justify the $3.40 every few times a week if it’s not about pleasure, taste, caffeine addiction but rather about survival. I need this warm delicious coffee to live or my insides might freeze! Truth.

Speaking of coffee, I ran out of cream a few weeks ago and I haven’t been able to man up and drink it black. I’ve heard that gives you chest hair and the ability to build things. Men= hairy builders. I can already build things and I have a “little engine that could” chest hair going on. He’s not alone, he has friends, but they are just hard to see. Furthermore, my roommate works for Starbucks and he brings bags and bags of different kinds of beans home for us. It’s like sweet manna from heaven. And so I have all this coffee at my disposal and I need it to survive but I just gotta have my cream and sugar. I want to start my day with excellence and deliciousness. I don’t know how many of you out there bounce outta bed and reach for a warm mug of mediocrity. I hope not….oh snap wait a minute I forgot about Ryan Seacrest…. Well he doesn’t count he’s just a good looking robot plotting the untimely death of Dick Clark.

Let’s just say my coffee intake seriously dropped. At least for awhile. It did until I was sitting in class wondering why I had a pounding headache. I ignored it, drank water and went on my merry way. The next day it happened again, so I bought a cup of coffee at the Perch (coffee shop at the student union at Jewell). Magically the headache went away! A miracle! False, that just means I have a legitimate physical addiction to caffeine. Awesome…

The problem was compounded even further because I don’t have a car to go get cream whenever I want. I am also freakin poor and don’t need to be throwing my money away at the coffee shop. It was a serious predicament. So I alternated for about a week between headaches and paying for coffee. My money is gone. Crap. There is good news though, eventually I did go and buy cream so I can make my own, fuel my addiction and save money every week!

Being poor and living off campus without a car has taught me a lot. One thing is that I don’t know what it is about salsa, but it makes everything taste like Zeus himself sprinkled goodness on it. It’s like the wonder spice (other than salt). Got rice? Add some salsa and you got a sexy fiesta in your mouth and nobody else is invited! Got soup? Add salsa and you get a soup so good it can make a blind man sing! Got some old cans of beans and corn? Add salsa then you got a… just go to the grocery store cause that’s not really anything good. At best it’s a couple things needed for a Mexican dish, I don’t know. Maybe go to Taco Bell and see what happens.

Another point of sadness in my life: I don’t have salsa and I’m almost out of sugar. Tragedy.

Although if you think about it, if my biggest woes are not getting coffee every chance I crave it and have to walk in 0 degree weather up hill both ways two miles (seriously), then I am doing pretty well in this whole game of being a human. There are people a lot worse off than me. There are people who do not have a warm place to walk to, or quality higher education at their finger tips. There are people who don’t have friends to drive them to Target. There are people who would love salsa to eat by itself, not just on a heaping warm pile of rice.

And so all in all, I love the life I recognize that I am greatly blessed. How are you greatly blessed?

This year has created a lot of precious memories for me. It has taught me responsibility. It has taught me the value of a new Christmas coat. It has taught me that a savings account doesn’t work that great if you treat it like a checking account. It has also taught me that ATM’s at Bank of America literally get hungry too, and their dish of choice is check cards. Seriously folks, it ate my card. Don’t worry I have a new one.

Well I hope this little blog warmed your heart. And if you decide to put some extra spicy salsa on your eggs tomorrow morning, I hope you have a warm mouth and think about how awesome life is.

Stay warm out there friends. Somebody seriously needs to go kill that freagin groundhog. What a jerk. Why can’t the people in charge just lie and tell everyone we are going to have an early spring? That little rat needs to stop ruining people’s lives I mean this has supposedly been the worst recorded winter in like forever or something.

Much love reader! Have a happy March, count your blessings, eat some salsa. The month of Spring is upon us! For our hemisphere that is. Those creeps down south are about to plunge in a dark and twisted fall and winter. Just kidding, I have nothing against our neighbors to the south of the equator.