Monday, July 13, 2009

A Real Confession

Right now I am enjoying the eve of my day off by drinking lemon tea with honey and feeling the wondrous effects of Tylenol with codeine. Don't ask. The tea is for my poor exploited voice. Okay it’s not exploited. Maybe overworked but not exploited. I am a professional performer this summer for Six Flags St. Louis and I need to be a big boy and take care of my tools (Me). So I guess for me that means resting my voice, preparing well before work and exercising like a mad man.

Moment of vulnerable honesty. I'm not going to lie I didn't need to take Tylenol. I'm in no serious pain except for my blasted ingrown toenail. Besides my stupid toe the only reason I had to take prescription meds was just to zone out and feel good. Guilty. Sometimes I take medicine when I don't need it. Just to feel different.

I recently had an open conversation about whether or not its a good idea to drink alcohol now that I am of the legal age. I have since becoming 21 drank many times. Many times to excess. Guilty. Not proud.

I basically don't know what I think about drinking. I don't judge those who do nor do I judge those who don't. I have many reasons to not and they should be considered as I slowly formulate my opinion of the activity.

I am not fully convinced as Paul mentions in Romans 14. I suppose I'm getting there.

But as I write this and slowly slip into a codeine induced buzz I wonder why so many people (particularly Americans) want to escape the pain of their lives by diving into the tempting pool of numbness. Or the opposite happens, (one that I don't resonate as well with) people latch to pain to liven up the numbness. I don't know which is worse. Nor do I think it matters.

The point is life is hard and it sucks sometimes, whether your a Christian believer or not. Sometimes joy is hard.

The question then becomes: What is our escape? Who is our escape?

They say substance abuse is something that may be genetically linked. This is true of me. As much as we want to, we may never out run our blood. Depressing as this is I also hold another belief that trumps the fact of the latter.

Because of my faith in what Jesus did through his life, death and resurrection, I have been given a new nature. I am not defined by who I or who my family was, or what I did. I am redone. I am set free.

This doesn't make life easy. In fact I've seen how faith in the incarnate God can actually complicate things tremendously. Good thing it also simplifies them too. All things considered everyone has dirt. There are some pretty dirty Christians out there. I am one.

When I started this post I didn't have an idea in my head. Just floating words. Yet I see the question remains.
It beckons and needs response. What, Where, who, is your Escape? Why?

Can I honestly say it is only the Loving God of the universe who became human to give me Life to the Fullest? Sadly, no.

But I desperately want Him to be.

I’m borderline ranting now so I guess I just wanted to throw the idea out there that only a relationship with Jesus can bring meaning, and healing to the pain and numbness inherent to life. At least that’s what I think. That’s what makes sense to me, even if it is shrouded in mysteries that may never be known.

I remembered tonight my blog is called coffee and confessions and in a conversation with a friend recently I told him that one of my only guilt free addictions is of course the magical and mighty coffee bean.....uh.... in drink form.

I believe we all have addictions. I certainly do. But there is Hope. These addictions and tendencies and habits and escapes don't own me. My dirt is not who I belong to. I am owned by The One. And I can see myself falling in love with Jesus more and more.

I want to be addicted to Him. I need to. I really think only He is the One True Healthy Addiction. I think He is the Only Avenue. The only Way to True Love.

So yeah, confession. I can be a mild substance abuser at times. That’s not good.

Don't do that. Its out in the open. Air applied.

But don't worry about me. Worry about yourself. I just showed you the damned speck. Now go check out that plank....


  1. Wise words, son. Thanks for keeping it real- that's what we all need! Love you forever!!

  2. Proverbs 23:29-35 Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine, who go to sample bowls of mixed wine. Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly! In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper. Your eyes will see strange sights and your mind imagine confusing things. You will be like one sleeping on the high seas, lying on top of the rigging. "They hit me" you will say, "but I'm not hurt! They beat me, but I don't feel it! When will I wake up so I can find another drink?"